Evaluating & Improving Relationships--Managing Conflict

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ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></b></div> </td> <td valign="top" height=380 BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" TEXT="#080000"> <div> <I>Evaluating & Improving Relationships--Managing Conflict</I></div> <div>  <IMG SRC="34c15c10.jpg" border=0 width="277" height="193" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">                        </div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>Mark L Knapp defined stages of a relationship</b></div> <div> <U>Coming together stages</U></div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Initiating:</b>  Coming together</div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Experimenting: </b>Seek out common interests and    experiences.</div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Intensifying:</b>  Spend increases time together, talk about private things</div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Integrating-</b>Individual personalities begin to merge.  </div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Bonding</b>-Make a formal commitment that announces their relationship to those around them</div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <IMG SRC="29b980e0.gif" border=0 width="408" height="270" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <div> <U>Coming Apart</U></div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Differentiating-</b>Begin to focus on how different they are. </div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Circumscribing-Relationship</b> begins to fall apart, less info exchange, conflict is avoided, conversation is superficial., interaction is decreased, conversations are shorter.</div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Stagnating</b>-Time of inactivity, the relationship has no chance to grow, talk like strangers.</div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Avoiding-</b>Physical separation, avoid interaction. Unfriendliness, hostility, antagonism. </div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Terminating</b>-Relationship ends</div> <bR> <div> <IMG SRC="29c13150.gif" border=0 width="531" height="21" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> "If someone  is driving you crazy....       </div> <div>   ask yourself why are they looking for that response? " </div> <div>   Ken Standley </div> <div> <IMG SRC="29c13150.gif" border=0 width="531" height="21" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B>Social Penetration Theory</b></div> <div> Altman and Taylor's theory that members weigh the costs versus the rewards</div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Extrinsic Reward</b>: Gained from association with the person: "New contacts"</div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">I</b><B>nt</b><B>rinsic Rewards</b>: Gained from exchange of intimacy:</div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Instrumental Rewards:</b> Basic exchange of goods and services: Share rent and furniture</div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Extrinsic Costs:</b> Have to share your friends and time</div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Intrinsic Costs</b>: Have to self disclose</div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Instrumentals Costs</b>: Have to share your belongings</div> <div> A person who feels like the costs are more than the rewards will likely attempt to discontinue the relationship</div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <IMG SRC="0e4cd940.gif" border=0 width="205" height="148" ALT="Metafile Companion Picture (32-bit)" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <div> <IMG SRC="29c13150.gif" border=0 width="531" height="21" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <div> "A man can get discouraged many times, but he is not a failure until he begins to blame somebody else and stops trying. "                       John Burrows. </div> <div> <IMG SRC="29c13150.gif" border=0 width="531" height="21" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <bR> <div> <B><U>Emotional Bank Account</U></b></div> <div> View your relationsip like a bank account where you make deposits and withdrawls.  Often participants make lists of what they give and what they take in the relationship.  </div> <bR> <div> <B>For more on this subject: </b></div> <div> <A HREF="http://www.wordscapes.net/emotional-bank.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://www.wordscapes.net/emotional-bank"><U>Emotional Bank Account</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="http://www.sideroad.com/bridges/column8.html" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://www.sideroad.com/bridges/column8."><U>Strengthening Your Emotional Bank Account</U></A></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <IMG SRC="29c13150.gif" border=0 width="531" height="21" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> "Don't get upset when people know more than you do.         </div> <div>                                     It's not  their fault."                   Ken Stanley</div> <bR> <div> <IMG SRC="29c13150.gif" border=0 width="531" height="21" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <bR> <div> <B><U>COMMUNICATION PROBLEMS IN RELATIONSHIPS</U></b><B><U> </U></b>                                      </div> <bR> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">University of Michigan Researchers found that the <B>average couple has one serious fight a month and several small ones. </b></div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Experts agree it is<B> how</b> you fight that makes the difference.</div> <bR> <div> <B> Criticism</b>-is a negative evaluation of a person for something they have done or the way they are.</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">In distances relationships it is usually the higher-status person who criticisms the lower</div> <bR> <div> <B>5 Targets of Criticism-</b></div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Appearance</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Performance</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Personhood (personality, ability)</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Relationship Style</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"> Decisions or attitudes (options, plans, lifestyle) </div> <bR> <div>  The most criticized is performance, followed  by relationship style, appearance, and than general Personhood</div> <div> </div> <bR> <div> <B>Criticism labeled Bad if...</b></div> <div> ...contained negative language</div> <div> ...stated harshly by yelling or screaming</div> <bR> <div> <B>Criticism rated better if...</b></div> <div> ...it was specific</div> <div> ...it gave details on how to improve</div> <bR> <div> <B>Criticism was considered good ...</b></div> <div> ...if the person who made it also offered to assist to make the change</div> <div> ...if the person could see how it was in their own best interest to change</div> <div> ....if the negative remarks were stated into most positive context.</div> <bR> <div> <B> Complaint </b>is an expression of dissatisfaction with some behavior, attitude, belief, or characteristic of a partner or of someone else.  It is not necessarily directed at a specific person. </div> <bR> <div> <B> Avoidance-</b>refusing to deal with conflict or painful issue.</div> <bR> <div> <B> Aggression</b> is a physical or verbal show of force.Can be Passive Aggression/indirect aggression</div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <IMG SRC="1d5b0840.gif" border=0 width="176" height="132" ALT="Metafile Companion Picture (32-bit)" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <div> <IMG SRC="29c13150.gif" border=0 width="531" height="21" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <bR> <div> <B><U>COMMUNICATION SOLUTIONS IN RELATIONSHIPS                                </U></b><B> </b></div> <div>                              </div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"> Empathic listening</b>-listening for feelings from the others point of view</div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"> I/You Messages- </b></div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Don't use "You"...... say "I"</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"> Don't say, "You didn't empty the garbage."  </div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Do say, "I'm afraid we will miss the garbage truck if the garbage isn't taken out."</div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Assertiveness</b>-taking the responsibility of expressing needs, thought, and feelings in a direct, clear manner.  </div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <IMG SRC="35156f70.gif" border=0 width="342" height="247" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <div> <IMG SRC="29c13150.gif" border=0 width="531" height="21" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B><U>DESC Script</U></b></div> <div> How to handle interpersonal dilemmas:</div> <div>  Follow the DESC Script steps to engance in conflict.</div> <div> <IMG SRC="0ea67710.gif" border=0 width="103" height="113" ALT="Metafile Companion Picture (32-bit)" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">.</div> <bR> <div> <B>Describe:</b> Describe the behavior </div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">"You told me the repairs would cost $50 and now you are charging me $110."</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">"You never look at me"</div> <div> <B>Express:</b> Express how the situation make you feel</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">"I feel" "I believe"  "It appears to me"</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">" I feel humiliated and demeaned when you make fun of me."</div> <div> <B>Specific Behavior:</b> Specify the behavior you would like substituted</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">"Stop playing the drums after 11 PM"</div> <div> <B>Consequences:</b> What will happen if they don't change?</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">"If you are not able to keep your dog out of my yard, I will be forced to call pest control."</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">"If you are not willing to help with some of the household chores, I will no longer be willing to help you with the yard work."</div> <div> <IMG SRC="29c13150.gif" border=0 width="531" height="21" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B><U>The Pillow Method</U></b></div> <div> A tool for building empathy</div> <div> Developed by a group of Japanese schoolchildren, the pillow method gets its name from the fact that a problem has four sides and a middle, just like a pillow.</div> <bR> <div> Example: A daughter who want to move in with a friend while she is in college.  From a mother's perspective.</div> <bR> <div> <B>1--I'm right and your wrong</b></div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">It would be expensive</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">More likely to study at home</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">We all get along well, it's good to have parent to encourage her</div> <div> <B>2--Your right and I'm wrong</b></div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">She has proven herself to be responsible</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">If she would have went away to college she would be spending the same amount</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">She is a good student and responsible with money</div> <div> <B>3--We're both right, both wrong</b></div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">We're right it's expensive but she is responsible with money</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">We can encourage her while she's in an apartment as much as we encourage her at home</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">She's proven herself responsible and will likely study even if she's away from home</div> <div> <B>4--This issue isn't as important as it seems</b></div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">In a few years she will have her own place anyway</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Keeping our relationship strong is important</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Showing her that we trust her judgment is important</div> <div> <B>5--There is truth in all four perspectives</b></div> <bR> <div> <IMG SRC="29c13150.gif" border=0 width="531" height="21" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <I>The belief that one's own view of reality is the only reality is the most dangerous of all delusions. Paul Watzlawick</I></div> <bR> <div> <IMG SRC="29c13150.gif" border=0 width="531" height="21" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <bR> <div> <I><B><U>Use "I" instead of "You"</U></b></I></div> <div> I feel hurt when I'm not included in the planning.</div> <div> I feel like you don't trust me when you give me a 11 O'Clock curfew.</div> <div> I feel it is unfair that I do all the household chores. </div> <div> I feel lonely when you don't talk to me.</div> <div> I feel smothered when I am not allowed to spend time with my friends.<B> </b></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <I><U>X is Y I feel Z</U></I></div> <div> This situation (X) is Why (Y) I feel (This Emotion)</div> <div> When I came home to a messy house today, I began to get very angry</div> <div> The fact that you don't allow me to have a later curfew makes me think that you don't trust me. </div> <bR> <bR> <div> <U>For Customer Service</U></div> <div> <U>Feeling -  Felt -  Found</U></div> <bR> <div> I know how you feel, I have felt that way myself, but I have found....</div> <bR> <div> <IMG SRC="29c13150.gif" border=0 width="531" height="21" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <bR> <div> <B><U>Verbal Aggressiveness</U></b></div> <bR> <div> <B><U><IMG SRC="18c6f970.gif" border=0 width="111" height="151" ALT="Metafile Companion Picture (32-bit)" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></U></b></div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Kitchen sinking- </b>Overwhelming the other person  with multiple arguments</div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Gunnysaking </b>- Saving up complaints and grievances</div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Beltling-</b> Striking below the belt</div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Monologuing </b>- Incessant talking</div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Sandbagging-</b> Setting up traps so someone will say something that can be held against them</div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Strawman Fallacy- </b>Misrepresenting opponent to make one's own argument seem superior</div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Slippery Slope-</b>Series of exaggerated actions</div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.gif" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Ad Hominem</b>-Attack opponent rather than argument</div> <bR> <div> <IMG SRC="29c13150.gif" border=0 width="531" height="21" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <I>"When your wrong,</I></div> <div> <I>  admit it.</I></div> <div> <I>    When your right </I></div> <div> <I>     --shut up."      </I></div> <div> <I>  Ken Standley</I></div> <div> <IMG SRC="29c13150.gif" border=0 width="531" height="21" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <bR> <div> <I>Jack Glibb studied the relationship  between  communication and interpersonal climates.  He identified communication that promotes defensive climates and those that foster supportive climates.</I></div> <bR> <div> <I>Communication Climates in Conflict Situations</I></div> <bR> <div> <I> <TABLE BORDER="2" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="523" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#C0C0C0" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 34 ><NOBR><div> <B>Defensive Climate</b></div> </NOBR></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP><NOBR><div> <B>Supportive Climate</b></div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 194 WIDTH="239"><div> <B>Evaluation</b></div> <div> <B>Judging another's actions as good or bad</b></div> <div> You have no discipline</div> <div> Your sleeping too much</div> <div> You shouldn't have done that</div> <div> You did the right thing</div> <div> You shouldn't feel that way</div> <div> This is the worst paper I have ever read</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="265"><div> <B>Description</b></div> <div> <B>Describing another's behavior or actions</b></div> <div> I wish you hadn't have done that</div> <div> You seem more sleepy lately</div> <div> Your running late</div> <div> You seem pleased with your decision</div> <div> You seem to be experiencing lower grades this semester</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 308 WIDTH="239"><div> <B>Certainty</b></div> <div> <B>Certain that only one opinion can be correct: mine</b></div> <bR> <div> This is the only idea that makes sense</div> <div> Only a fool would vote for that person</div> <div> There's no point in discussing it any further</div> <div> If you don't see it than you are a dumb as they say</div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="265"><div> <B>Provisionalism</b></div> <div> <B>Shuns absolutes and is open to possibilities</b></div> <div> One way to look at it is....</div> <div> It is possible that...</div> <div> The way I tend do see the situation is...</div> <div> I feel stongly on this subject, but I would like to hear what you have to say. </div> <bR> <div> <I>(Don't assume everyone sees thing the same way you do)</I></div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 177 WIDTH="239"><div> <B>Control Orientation</b></div> <div> <B>This is a situation I will control</b></div> <bR> <div> Well, I like the Honda more than the Ford you want, and it's my money that's going to pay for it. </div> <div>  </div> <bR> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="265"><div> <B>Problem Orientation</b></div> <div> <B>This is a problem we can solve together</b></div> <div> It seems that we have really different ideas about how to spend our vacation.  Let's talk through what each of us wants and see whether there's a way for both of us to have a good vacation. </div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 139 WIDTH="239"><div> <B>Neutrality</b></div> <div> <I><B>Appearing withdrawn or detached:  </b></I><I><B>Whatever</b></I></div> <div> Like what I think really matters</div> <div> Move on</div> <div> I don't care</div> <div> It doesn't matter to me</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="265"><div> <B>Empathy</b></div> <div> <B>Identifying with another's emotions</b></div> <div> It sound like you really feel uncomfortable with your job</div> <div> I don't blame you for being worried about the situation</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 175 WIDTH="239"><div> <B>Superiority</b></div> <div> <B>My opinion is better than yours</b></div> <div> I know a lot more about this than you do?</div> <div> You just don't have my experience...</div> <div> Is this the best you could do?</div> <div> I remember when I used to that..</div> <div> As long as you live in my house...</div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="265"><div> <B>Equality</b></div> <div> <B>We both have opinions lets hear each other out</b></div> <div> I want to hear what you have to say about this</div> <bR> <div> Let's tackle this problem together</div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 237 WIDTH="239"><div> <B>Strategy</b></div> <div> <B>Manipulative, fake, having hidden agendas</b></div> <bR> <div> Would you do something for me if I told you it really matters</div> <bR> <div> Remember when I helped you with you math last semester?</div> <bR> <div> If you love me, you will...</div> <bR> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="265"><div> <B>Spontaneity</b></div> <div> <B>Straightforwardness-directness and honesty</b></div> <bR> <div> I really need your help with this computer glitch.</div> <bR> <div> Would you help me with my English assignment, I'm struggling for a topic. </div> </tD> </tR> </TABLE></I></div> <bR> </td> 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